144. Still Under
I can’t do some stuff. I think it’s depression? When people describe depression, it sounds a bit like this. I’ll tell you what, it’s actually the most unhelpful thing I’ve ever had happen to me. Someone sneezed loudly in the street and I cried. CRIED. I’m not even kidding, what the hell.
I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t know what to do, but I’m having trouble functioning normally right now and I don’t know how long it will last. I love making this comic but I just don’t know if I will be able to keep it up over the next few weeks. I need to concentrate on feeling better, and normally making these comics helps, but for some reason not right now. I’ll do my best.
Hey. my name is Becca, I’m 22, I live in Tasmania, I love this comic. I’ve been through a fair whack of depression & anxiety and at the moment have it firmly beat. If you need anything at all – just someone to talk to, or any advice on anything – I’m here to help. please get in contact with me. I know how crippling this stuff can be. let’s be friends. you have my email now. <3
You are extremely lovely. Thank you. I can only think about five minutes into the future at the moment, and feel utterly lost. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say, so I’ll stop now. And also thank you. Again. 🙂
Firstly, hugs. I should have hugged you earlier but I was all distracted and rubbish, and you might not have wanted hugs anyway.
Secondly, this is what guest posts are for. I’m sure Rob has some more porky puns up his sleeve, and me and Sven have both been sitting on ideas for a while. So yes, use us (in a nice way) 🙂
Yeah, that sounds like depression. I get a sort of — it sounds like oversensitivity? With the guy sneezing? — anyway, for me, sometimes, sound _hurts_, texture _hurts_, I just want to crawl away to somewhere quiet and muffle myself in blankets because _pain_.
The important thing right now it to take care of _you_. If that means taking a couple of weeks off from the comics, it’s cool. (I give you permission, if that helps at all?) We’ll still be here.
I’ve been there. Take your time to feel better, we all think you’re awesome and will wait however long it takes for you to be okay. Hugs if you want them, sympathetic smile if you don’t, and… well, just don’t ever feel like you have to apologise for feeling down. I’m sure you have plenty of people you can talk to about anything but if you want another, let me know.
I’ve been there, too.
Take all the time you need to get back to your old self. We’ll still be here when you return. 🙂
Take care of yourself. We’ll all be here when you feel better.
Hugs if you want them. Also kittens.
Hugs (if you’d like) and best wishes. I’ll look forward to more comics when you feel like it, but take care of yourself now.
When I get depressed, I find it reeeeally important to remember that feeling guilty about the things I’m not doing because I’m depressed is COMPLETELY FREAKING COUNTERPRODUCTIVE. So please be gentle with yourself, and ask for help if you need it, and tell yourself a million times over, if necessary, that you are allowed to be out of it, and you are on your own side. Hope it gets better soon!
Being a worldly Person On The Internet, you’ve probably seen this already, but if not, go have a read:
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html
She really hits the nail on the head. I’m still working my way back to “normal” after a fairly shitty couple of years. If I could go back and tell myself one thing, it would be: spend time with other humans. Talk to people, go to other folks’ houses, go out for coffee or food or to the gym … it’s the hardest thing in the world to do, but it does the most to get you out of stuck places.
Keep your head up! And keep posting, if you can! The more lovely blog updates we internet denizens see, the more opportunities we’ll have to give you long-distance hugs of encouragement!
*threadjacks* I just wanted to say – I hadn’t seen that post before and gods did it make me feel better about my life. So thank you, I know it wasn’t meant for me but thanks anyway! 🙂
I love that post, so much. <3
Ugh, depression sucks (how’s that for eloquent?). I actually diagnosed myself with depression about a dozen years ago and foolishly went to my GP and told him so and he even more foolishly whipped out his prescription pad, wrote me a script for a month’s worth of anti-depressants and cut me loose. Unfortunately, what I really had was bipolar disorder and taking the anti-depressants got me as close to death as I’ve ever been. I spent a few weeks in the hospital, a few months in out-patient care, a few years on meds and came out the other side knowing a lot more about how to care for myself than I had before.
It took a long time, but I got through it and I’m happier these days than I ever was in my whole life before. Mine’s an extreme case but I guess what I want to get across is, be careful as depression is a serious illness and it can’t hurt to get some professional input from a specialist. At the same time, know that nothing is one size fits all and in the end, you’re the one who will know what’s best for you.
PS – that being unable to see a future thing is classic depression symptom. It totally feeds into the feeling of hopelessness.
I’m going to be presumptuous and speak for the majority of your readership (I’m like that sometimes). We all love the comic but the author is more important to us than it is even though most of us have never met you. Keep it together and put it out there if there’s anything we can all do to help. You probably have spare rooms in your choice of countries around the world if you need to get away for a bit if nothing else!
Craig
Hang in there and take care of yourself. I’ve been through my fair share of depression and the best thing for me is to be very kind to myself. Also, the Depression Book by Cheri Huber was quite helpful for me.
Thank you, The Depression Book is now on my wishlist on my second-hand book-buying site.
Taking Care of the Basics:
http://theicarusproject.net/files/basics_poster_letter_web.pdf
This is a super, super short (one page) comic-form guide that lays out something that took me until I was about 28 to figure out myself.
I also always suggest tracking down the right supplements – the ‘catch all’ is a multivitamin, a big B-complex, and omega 3 fatty acids, but the right-thing-for-you is key.
Thank you – big helpful info condensed into easy-to-understand overviews is really helpful right now. It can be understood in under 3 minutes! <3
You’re providing a wonderful comic for free. If you don’t feel like it, then you don’t have to do it. Anyone who attempts to guilt you with emails like “OMG where is teh c0mic?” can kindly go forth and multiply. Actually, no, there are too many of them as it is. They can fall in a pit. That would be better. You don’t have a responsibility to do this comic, do it when you want to, and we’ll be happy when you do. 🙂
Yes, yes, about a million times yes. You make an awesome comic, but/and if you’ve got to take some time out for self-care, by all means, rock on.
I did this dance too (and am still doing it, honestly). Couldn’t stop crying, wanted to burrow into the belly of the world and hide, couldn’t see more than 5 minutes ahead at a time. I also couldn’t conceive of not feeling that way ever again. That was the scariest part. It got better, though, with time and with finding out what I needed. (I also recommend a good hoodie, for the aforementioned hiding, when you need it.)
Also: do you know Hello Cruel World by Kate Bornstein? Helped me brazen through the worst of it. Auntie Kate is also on twitter (@katebornstein) and is just about the loveliest person of ever.
Affectionate waves from NYC!
Another book for the wishlist, yes indeed. 🙂 Thank you. x
So, you have a wishlist? If you send me a link to it, I’ll happily buy you the Depression Book (if that’s possible with said wishlist). Good way to donate to the site, in a way that hopefully reinforces what many have said about how we care more about the author than the comics 🙂
Oh my, that is very kind. I tried to reply earlier but was too emotional and didn’t know what to say! I have a wishlist on GreenMetropolis.com, which is a UK second hand book site, and it’s only helpful if someone has listed their copy of a certain book for sale. The wishlist is more so that the site can alert me when someone lists a copy of a book I’m wishing for. I hope I explained that well. Um.
Can someone explain wishlist websites to me? In my imagination, they’re a website where you sign up and add things you want and put in your address, and when people want to buy something for you they just pay for it and it magically appears at your house, and then you don’t have to give your address to people all the time. Is that what it is? If so, it seems I should sign up for one, and can anyone recommend a good wishlisty site?
Amazon’s wish list feature can be viewed by people who know your email or who you send a link to and they can send you a present without any further information about you 🙂
Don’t know how your support network is looking at the moment by the way but you can reply to me from here anytime you wish and I’ll do my best to be helpful. I know it’s probably not something you’ll want to do but I am sincere in my offer. Can chat verbally to if that’s easier. Don’t forget the Samaritans either if you really need to talk without having a connection to the person. They’ll just listen and won’t judge or express opinions (and they’re not a religious organisation which some people tend to think they are because of the name).
Thank you, Sammy and Craig. 🙂 Wishlist: http://www.amazon.co.uk/registry/wishlist/1PE6FS1V6PZOA No pressure, everyone! Feel free to ignore it.
I’m just gonna agree with everyone else here, if you need some time off, then just do so! Go have yourself a break, recharge or whatever. We’ll still be here for you when you get back. With tea and cookies, (or whatever beverage/treat combination you require!) and sympathetic ears.
Hugs. That is all. x .
Many many hugs (if you want hugs), and just generally repeating what other people have already said, I’d have sent you to the hyperbole and a half thing too, especially the bit about trying to use willpower to get out of it being like trying to hit yourself in the face with no arms. I’ve been there, it is NOT FUN, and the most important thing right now is looking after you. Us interweb people are not going anywhere. Except possibly to fetch you some internet tea and chocolate from the Great Kitchen Of The Internet, if you like.
I’m currently going through the same, I think. Partly caused by various life issues, and partly just… I don’t know why. I understand the feelings though.
Seriously, you are awesome. I know we don’t talk much apart from squealing over silly cat pictures/videos, but if you ever need someone to rant/cry/ramble/talk to, you know where to find me on twitter/tumblr. (Hint, my Twitter URl is my website URL here, and my Tumblr is linked on there.)
I offer you much Internet tea/cupcakes/vegan frozen non-dairy snacks. And hugs. Many hugs. <3
Also: this comic has been part of me continuing to feel connected to wider poly stuffs when I’m in Edinburgh, and giving me a lighter hearted way to think about the things. I found the courage to come out to my mum (as bi too) on Tuesday and feel better for it. Your comic, and the sites you link to, are part of me finding that courage. So thanks. *iz seriouz, but in a happy way*
Okay, I don’t mean to be alarmist right now, but as an English, Polyamourous, Panromantic, Asexual, Genderqueer Knitter, I am always worried we’re just the same entity protruding from either point in space and moving independently through… magic or something, so I’m very sorry my recent slide into depression has affected you too. I’m hoping to muster going to the doctor wherewithal shortly, then you’ll probably feel better..? Life is funny.
I know you’ve got a lot of messages of support and love already, but here’s mine: Love you lots, hope you feel better soon, take all the time you need, let me know if I can do anything for you! Hearing your everyday observations on being agender and asexual has made me much more confident in finding my own identity and made an awkward self-exploratory period in my life brighter with humour, so I am very grateful to you.
I hope it’s just a spring depression (they are not that uncommon) and that you feel better soon!
I love your comic, and the postcards makes my friends happy whenever I send them. Make sure you get lots of hugs and support, and take care of yourself! <3
I was plunged suddenly into a world of sad-and-weird about a month ago, and tried a whole bunch of everything; what ended up helping the most (aside from resting and breathing and eating properly) was taking Vitamin D3 supplements. I’m not sure where you hail from, but here in the cold North, lack of sunlight in winter (and lack of vitamin D from not eating dairy) led to an enormous bout of seasonal depression for me. It still clouds my day sometimes, but I’m honestly almost back to fully-functioning human. Plus, they make them in gummies! Literally happy candy! If you’re up for it, give it a shot. The worst that could happen is you get unreconcileably addicted to the gummy vitamins. =) Also, I hear sunlight bulbs/lamps do absolute wonders!
Best of luck, and I look very much forward to your recovery and more of this lovely, wonderful comic. =)
I thought of not writing anything, because everyone else had already said everything I would have. Nevertheless, one more hug (if you want it) can’t hurt!
You have been in my RSS reader for a while now. I went to see your latest comic also to try to help me a bit with my current depression bout — yes, I am there too right now, crying for nothing and all. And instead I found this. At first I thought: oh no… I’m so sorry for her feeling sorry, and surely this will bring me even more down. Then I saw all the love that all your affectionate readers poured onto you from the comments. A strange variation of compersion started flowing out of my heart.
What more can I say, Lotte, if not a big thank you for being who you are? 🙂
YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF AMAZINGNESS, OMG. Thank you so much, everyone. SO MUCH. WHY ARE CAPS NOT BIG ENOUGH.
Also I just found out that Misha Collins’ wife has written a book about threesomes, which made me fall over, holy CARP. Fortunately I was in a chair at the time. I still can’t think straight.
OMG! HAVE to read that book!!!
Just wanted to say, for anyone curious about this book: http://www.polyinpictures.com/2012/03/16/remember-i-was-saying-a-while-ago/
Hahaha! Yes! Totally colored my perception of Supernatural! I love watching Castiel (and if you want to be totally creeped out, Misha Collins as a serial killer in the movie Karla. He’s actually a REALLY good actor. And I think it’s a testament to the awesomeness of my brain that it saw the movie and then thought “wow, him doing scenes in BDSM would be fantastic!)
I was sort of considering watching Karla, but then I heard in interviews that he’d found the experience of playing that character to be really disturbing and I don’t know, I’d probably love it but I don’t know what I’m actually trying to say here so I’ll shush. 🙂 I think I’m refraining from watching it in the same way that I dislike watching unethical porn. Does that make sense?
I know a lot of people have already said this but hang on in there and take care of number one; yourself. I’ve been very lucky that my anxiety and depression has been pretty mild over the years but there are times when it feels like I can do nothing to help it. Thankfully, I have an excellent GP who listens to me plus have a great couseller at the Mood Swings Network (and I reccommend them to anyone in the north west of England).
Massive hugs x
I LOVE your comic. I will wait forever for it. Sending you lots of positive energy and good things!!!
As another poly person who suffers from bipolar, *many hugs*. You have a large fanbase and supportive community. Hang on in there!
I took mine to the Doctor, she gave me pills…two pills gave my husband a good nights sleep, one pill help my daughter through some stress…One thing I learnt was that pills don’t work for me. You’ll find what works for you but like many others here please remember we are here, we send you love.
*hugs*
Things are getting a little easier. I’m eating a lot more healthily now, but it should be a relief and it’s not! So something is still a bit squinky, as Hannah would say. Since getting a couple of books on depression courtesy of lovely wishlist generous people, I’m working out how to be kind to myself. I’ll keep going and doing that and see what happens.
bit late in the day ( i likes to save up my PIPs for a rainy day and splurge catch-up )
hopes all is well and groovy, loving the PIPs and although you’re call-out was in another strip, i have some comix you can use here if you likes 🙂
peace luck happiness stuff x
I am up for guest comics. 🙂 I will email you so you have my email address, anyway!
Things are getting better, verrrrry slowly. And lots of things are shifting about, and I’m going to be moving house soon and I’m getting rid of loads of junk. It’s going to be… interesting!
Hi,
WOW.
I just read most of the comments on this page and i feel like pointing out how awesome your readers are, Cassian.
The rest of the internet (ok well, most of it) is full of shit – and here, there’s so much support and love going around.
Thanks to all of you people for being alive!
I feel like the readers here are awesome too! 🙂 *hearts everywhere*