111. Verbs Are Cool
What labels are you doing? Does it change over time, or day-to-day, moment-to-moment?
Poly in Pictures
The visual webcomic ramblings of a polyamorous probably-20-something stick person.
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I really don’t like the “labels are for cans, not for people” idea. I understand that some people don’t feel like they can accurately define aspects of themselves, and that’s cool. However, it seems like the majority of people who say it have never known the feeling of “what the actual fuck am I?” that comes from not being able to find a word for your gender identity/sexual orientation/romantic orientation/etc.
ANYWAY. Sometimes I feel like I do ALL THE LABELS. I am currently transgendering, genderqueering, genderfluiding, and pansexualing. Oh. I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but http://www.kreativekorp.com/miscpages/gender/gender.pl is pretty fun.
I totally agree. I went through that phase of complete confusion, and was really distressed because I didn’t know what I was. In that situation, finding the labels was the hugest relief to me. It’s been a good few months between that time and now, when I know who I am, so I’m secure enough in my own identity to ignore the labels altogether most of the time…
I’m off to have a look at that link now. đŸ™‚ ETA: Pleasing!
I’d like to add, while I’m editing my response, that I do feel like my identity can be defined by labels. I just don’t really want to.
@Helena: That’s why I really like umbrella words like ‘queer’ – all the relief of being in a box, without the confining nature of a tiny box.
I’m still trying to word out how to describe my gender-identities, though – I’m tending to call myself bi/poly-everything* these days out of sheer confusion!
*Sexual, polar, gendered, amorous… and neuroatypical.
Lables are good for pointing at a place in the world and saying ‘I belong there’. However, the map you’re pointing at is fairly uncharted, so you can end up somewhere completely different than you intended, or find that the place the map described isn’t like reality at all.
Genderfluid, non-binary, genderfucked, genderlost, feminine, bottom, sub, kinky, fuzzy-(male∨masculine)-o-sexual, transsexual-except-fuck-you-NHS, polyamorous, polysaturated, open, geek, roleplayer, larper, linguist, linguistician, feminist, transfeminist, politically ignorant, hedonistic event (effectively rule) utilitarian, positivist (if you’re asking the right questions), transhumanist, that’s most of them.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I guess I should have said I was genderflowing, non-binarising, genderfucking, genderlosing, feminising, bottoming, subbing, kinking, fuzzy-(male∨masculine)-o-sexing, transsexual-except-fuck-you-NHS…ing, vegetariing (pronounce it like skiing!) polyromanticising, polysaturating, opening, geeking, roleplaying, larping, linguing, polyglotting, feministing, transfeministing, poltically ignoring, hedonistic event (effectively rule) utilising, positivising and transhumanising…
I’m bisexing, polyamoring, vegetarying, god-denying and Whedonising. I’ve never panromanticised, but that doesn’t look like panromanticising to me; it looks like fishing.
Weird. There’s a TJ up there. Thief!
Hrm. I read an awesome Myers-Briggs Poly questionairre yesterday that made me smile. (Link!: http://proudpoly.tumblr.com/post/13195427932/poly-myers-briggs-from-journal-of-a-polyamorous-triad ) All about finding out where you are on a spectrum. Personally I have no problem with calling myself a noun that adequately defines my feelings and orientations in certain subjects. I think labels are largely necessary in this world, and largely helpful. I think it’s the secondary assumptions we attach -to- labels that are bad. For instance, I’m poly. A secondary assumption is that I have blatant, raucous sex with anything that moves. I have encountered this view. It’s not the label that’s the problem, it’s the secondary assumptions we draw from it. The stereotyping. In this world, we should just ask: Do you like to have raucous sex with anything that moves?” I would respond quite happily: “Only if the thing that is moving is a consenting female who knows I’m poly and doesn’t care.” And that would settle that.
Now, how do I label myself. . .well, let’s start with that test I just linked.
Growth, Network, Community, Sexual at first and then Emotional, Weighted, Actively Seeking New Partners, Born Poly, Transparency, General.
Now, more generally: Polyamorous, straight, male. Although a friend of mine has termed it such: transgender polyamorous lesbian. I do find myself feeling more female than anything most of the time. But I like girls. I always play a girl in video games. Ah, well. Who knows? But, yes, polyamorous, straight, male, sexual, neuroatypical (autistic, high-functioning), dancer, and poet. Also, wordy. As all hell. đŸ˜›
Currently? Pansexual, polyamorous, genderqueer, kinky, queer, geeky switch, not to mention Ukrainian Jewish immigrant to the U.S, writer, poet, student.
My labels have changed over time and I’m still throwing my hands up in the air when asked about pronouns, but I think the ones above are pretty solidly settled on by now. Still, I won’t feel as though I’ve betrayed myself if they change.
I solidly agree with Helena and Lotte up above regarding how nice and useful labels are.
Labels have been one of the things helping me keep my sanity in my quest for my identity. It lets me know that there are other people who have come before me and were something like me. I like using labels but I am not defined by them. As it is, I identify as: genderqueer, gender fluid, genderfuck, pansexual, panromantic, gray-a, demisexual, kinky, poly, bottom, sub, geek, nerd, academic, androgynous, and intellisexual.