137. Time
Have you had any weird responses when coming out about your polyness or other identity? Please feel free to share in the comments so that we can cringe with you.
Poly in Pictures
The visual webcomic ramblings of a polyamorous probably-20-something stick person.
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Got that when I came out as gay, not with anything else. Maybe 20 is that perfect time?
Woohoo! I’m all caught up on the comic! And yeah, weird responses, though mostly just puzzled. Trying to explain to people what genderqueer means gets complicated and personal; same goes for pansexual. People don’t get why I dislike my birth name and gendered pronouns. For a work conference, they were requiring you to pick a salutation. Dr and military titles were the only non-gendered options. Made me mad. I sent an anonymous email telling them they should change it.
Coming out as poly to my mother had her say (amongst other things), “But you’re going against tradition”.
I’ve never been particularly traditional myself.
“I’m genderqueer.”
“What?”
SO MANY TIMES
When I came out as bi when I was in school, someone asked me how long I’d known and I said a while, he said “Really? But how did you know?” Is fancying girls as well as boys not enough for you?!?
On coming out as poly to my parents, my dad said “So what’s polyamory? If she’d said bisexual, I would have understood”
I had the “you’re too young, you can’t know for sure” thing from my mother when I came out at age fourteen. The sad thing is that that was seven years ago she still thinks I’m wrong about my orientation.
Other bizarrely common responses:
“I’m a lesbian.”
“Really? But you’re so…normal.”
Oh, yeah, sorry – I had surgery to remove my extra head. -_-
Also: “I’m a lesbian.”
“Why? What’s wrong with men?”
I get this one from straight guys a lot. You’re attracted to women, aren’t you? You tell me, then. What’s wrong with men? Why aren’t you more bisexual?
Hah! “What’s wrong with men,” indeed. I like your response.
Reminds me of a recent conversation with my daughter… “Girls ARE kind of awesome, aren’t they?” “Yes!” “And they smell nicer.” “And they’re so cuddly!” I’m officially the Best Dad Ever, apparently.
I had one this weekend, where someone who apparently ostensibly understood polyamory didn’t quite grasp the meaning of the word agender. I told her, and she’s like, “But aren’t you polyamorous?”
“Yes.”
“How does that work?”
“Perfectly dandy?”
We eventually established a wordly distinction between gender and sexual orientation and sexuality. I made a foray into a description of asexuality, as well. She’s an awfully open-minded and considerate person. I was surprised she both hadn’t heard the term and couldn’t figure out what it meant.
She seemed a little confused too by the fact that I present as male and don’t really have a problem with it.
Lotte, are you stalking me and writing comics about my life? Because I think you are.
😀 Maybe you should be *in* the comic? If I wasn’t already the Stalker I’d say you should be the Stalker!
My mum, when I came out as trans: “But you can’t be a man, you’re much too short!” (I’m 5 foot 7…)
This is so far my favourite one. 😀
You can’t be a man! Your ears are too round!
Lol what? I’m MAAB and only 5’4. So if I hadn’t transitioned I would have been way too short to be a man since I’m shorter than you :p
if everything under 5 foot isn´t male, then all hobbits must be die-hard lesbians in drag 😉 but seriously, why does nothing of this (homosexuality, transgender, asexuality,etc) ever makes it into sex ed? all our teacher back then said to us that was ‘when two guys have butt-sex they have to use a condom or they give each other aids’ – some uber-catholic parents wanted to have her kicked out for that little statement already. no wonder there are truckloads of prejudices against everything thats not ‘normal’, people are just utterly clueless!
I’ve had of folks – even in the queer / queer ally community – who suggest that being in a poly relationship (especially with a married couple) “defiles the sanctity of marriage.” Of course, we’ve all heard that one before…
thankyou for a lovely hour or so of perusal of your comic 🙂
i now feel like i’ve been hugged by my computer
also, as an occasional cartoonist, kudos, for the stamina of your ideas and joy
The former is especially hurtful – it makes it so much harder to say if your gender identity has changed, because obviously it’s somehow illegitimate if you can’t say “no, but, I always *knew* I was X”
I came out as poly to a few people at work and had to explain twice to a few people because they took it to mean (boyfriend name) had two girlfriends, not (boyfriend name) and (girlfriend name) were both my partners. It’s a triad, not a V! (Also reading comments here I end up feeling like I’m really boring compared to other poly people! LOL!)
When I came out as bi in my very early 20s, my cousin told me I was just experimenting because I was in college and a “popular” thing to do, and it was “just a phase”. Quite a “phase” since it’s lasted my entire life. My straight and gay friends told me I needed to get off the fence and choose a side because I couldn’t like both men and women…. O.o
Being poly went more like:
“I’m polyamorous.”
“You must have lots of sex and/or orgies!”
This one’s my favorite:
“I’m bi, poly, and kinky.”
“But…you’re so…NORMAL!”
Hahaha! “But…you’re so…NORMAL!” Love it. 😀
The best one I’ve gotten so far when I came out as bi:
“So wait…you’re a lesbian now? How the fuck does that happen?! Waking up one day to be a lesbian…thats like me saying ‘I woke up today and was a chair!’ ”
(It’s funny really coz my friend was only joking!)
Heheheheh, I like that one!
I love this. If you knew you were trans from a young age and you say something you are too young to know better.
Come to think of it wasn’t this discussed as the ideas of corridors on a trans person’s life?
I have to say that most of my friends and family have been very supporting of me being poly. In fact my most memorable coming out story involves one of my more socially conservative friends. I told her that I had started dating two girls, kinda expecting incredulity and perhaps distaste. Instead she turns to me, laughs and says,
‘You know Dev, I really don’t think I could imagine you having any other kind of relationship. I just couldn’t picture it.’
My mother said “I don’t think you’re lesbian. You don’t feel like one.”
I remember watching a lesbian love movie in my teens, with two girls aged 14 and 16, and my father saying it was unrealistic because you couldn’t know that at that age.
If I’d had a word for it I could’ve told him about my first crush at age six. :/
When I came out as trans to my mum she reckoned I was wrong partly because she “knew” I was gonna be a boy before I was even born, so strongly she refused to even consider any girls names for me. Luckily she’d told me that story before – and before I was sure myself for that matter – so I just thought it was funny. The other reasons were less funny. Apparently “real women” are interested in men :/ Ironically I’m pan, but when she said that I decided that telling her that would be taking the easy way out and that out of solidarity with actually gay trans people she wasn’t gonna know I like guys till she accepted that I was trans
Coming out I had a lot of guys telling me I couldn’t know I was a lesbian unless I had sex with a man to figure out that I disliked it and I was physically unable to dislike sex with men.
One guy offered himself as a suitable candidate to shag and therefore discover my true love of penis.
EW.
That was my feeling too.
I came out as bi and trans simultaneously because my mom had made it pretty clear that if I wasn’t straight she didn’t want to hear about it. Her responce was something to the effect of “Well Joan Jett is bi too and she doesn’t have to be a boy.” (We had just seen her play but still ?????)
What a weird response! People *really* don’t get it. I’m so sorry your mom wasn’t accepting, Marty. 🙁